Look at me, using an outline today.

Daughter of Godcast, Season 4 Choice, Episode 146 Caravan, Dan Kelly, etc.

Apparently, Episode 145 was

  • lean on breaking news and rich on improvisation.
  • just a lark, a bit of frivolity
  • a sunny, springy digression

Did anyone guess

  • what I was flying floating and gloating on last week?
  • last week's episode is a bit of foreshadowing?
  • whatever that was could be in the movie?

Everything is the movie

  • Everything is about the movie, still.
  • Even last week was about the movie
    • I only realized this morning myself
  • raining today, inside practicing
  • rain + podcast + land surfing = too many variables
    • after episode 145, terrible accident
    • mild concussion, bursa injury
    • helmet + DMSO = recovery
    • ordered more protective gear while learning

yep / nope

  • financials = movie too? yep! done? nope!
  • feels dang close
    • possibly just days away
  • this top secret financial project is... what exactly?
    • reveal total budget give or take a few thousand bucks
    • among other outcomes
  • why now?
    • no screener to Lorcano and Venice Biannal
    • intuitive choice, trust
  • the beauty - feeling an ecstatic completion like never before
    • because I am choosing trust
    • cultivating and celebrating intuition
    • open to fun, always
  • viola! - an epiphany, unexpected opening of the flow

before I talk about this, a disclaimer!

I used to think of myself as a teacher. I am discovering so many new cool perspectives and tapping into super powers like never before, but I kept wondering to myself, "Gee... how would I teach this or that?" Teaching suddenly felt like limitation, a patronizing pomposity. I had aspired to be a bodhisattva and bring the world with me, but trying to build the big cart keeps me from taking the journey. I have clarity now, open sourcing myself. I'm leaving behind a few breadcrumbs in the form of this podcast, because

  • sharing is fun
  • i am a guru for myself

revelation my own energetic terrain

  • wanted to do this with actual clay, but here goes anyway
  • imagine a landscape of hills and valleys, crevasses and cliffs
  • this is the energetic terrain we surround ourselves with, our persistent beliefs - the really craggy stuff is formed by fears, insecurities etc.
  • caravan of desire
    • now imagine it's night time, and an inevitable caravan of excellent treasure is making it's way to you, starting from the distant horizon.
    • the caravan follows the easiest route, the path of least resistance, winding along the cliffs and crevasses of your emotional terrain. The path of least resistance is probably not going to be a straight line.
  • as you peer out into the night
    • you might see the flickering light of the caravan's torches drifting to the left, then to the right.
    • Perhaps they even get smaller as they backtrack along the rim of a steep canyon.
    • the lights might even disappear as they dip down into a valley.
  • if you forget
    • the caravan is inevitable
    • they are traversing an invisible landscape
  • and the lights don't constantly get bigger and brighter, then
    • disillusion
    • horror
    • disappointment

when we really open up to our desires, circumstances might get worse before they get better or at the very least events might take an unexpected turn.

That's what's been happening for me. My caravan is giving me updates via walkie talkie, so I know they are coming, even though their torches drift about and occasionally disappear. Circumstances reveal my own emotional terrain, I am the reason progress seems to slow or reverse. But the caravan is always headed my way.

That's what this financial undertaking has revealed to me. What seemed like a problem, a hitch in the process was actually progress towards the destination. Everything that's showing up is an indication of progress!

For instance, my house is a disaster right now. I like having a clean and uplifting environment and yet there's dishes in the sink, compost buckets to empty, a broken jar on the floor of the pantry, underwear in the corner of the bathroom. If I were not hearing from my convoy of delight over the CB radio, I might feel discouraged. This mess is just a wide sweep of the highway around some big old mountain I left out there. The headlights of those 18 wheelers might be swinging away, winking out, but I know they are getting ever closer.

So much for the outline, I just wrote the rest and am reading now. Accident free, with a little luck. This has been episode 146 Caravan, Daughter of Godcast Season 4 Choice. These are my breadcrumbs, the letters AS chiseled into the living rock - Arnie Saknussemm. Journey to the Center of the Earth! How apropos, going deeper into our own internal geology, our emotional terrain which we create and then forget, even deny. Blame it on the bankers, on our fathers, on that big boob Trump when all along, the landscape over which our desires must trundle is our own responsibility. That's a feature folks, not a bug. The more shitty you think your life is, the more of a cosmic badass you are. You are your own Arnie Saknussemm, your initials are chiseled into the living rock of your life experience!

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